She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
