I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
