it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
