saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
