question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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