The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
