Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
