Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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