i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize