did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
