update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
