My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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