HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
