Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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