in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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