Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
