To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
