What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
