"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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