Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
