i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
