kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
