the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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