Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
