I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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