on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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