i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
