so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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