I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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