so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
