Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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