i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
