Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
