end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
