If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
