I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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