There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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