the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
thus making me awesome and them whores
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
