I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
