so that wasnt chicken after all
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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