Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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