stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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