Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
