a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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