im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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