did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
