i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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