im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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