i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
