So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
