Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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