Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
