I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
