i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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