You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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