dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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