He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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