I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
