my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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