Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize