Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
