he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
