"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
