your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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