i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
